Life//Adventures

I have a new job and I am too excited! I have been working for Posture People 8 hours a week for the last three months. I’ve really enjoyed it there and the people I worked with were absolutely lovely and treated my amazingly. I probably would have stayed there for much longer.

However, about a month ago I checked my emails and what was in my inbox but a message from the Head of Factual at the BBC asking if I was interested in a PA role. I explained my situation and that I wouldn’t be able to work full time straight away. We arranged to meet to discuss the opportunities and when we did she explained there was also a part time role, talent team assistant, available that could become full time in the future. Following this I was invited back to meet the Talent team manager who I would be working with.

Just a week later I received an email offering me the job which I happily and excitedly accepted and now I can’t wait to start in two weeks and move to London as soon as my tenancy runs out!!

You may or may not know that I have been working with a charity called Fixers to create a advert to raise awareness of the signs of stroke - particularly in young people. Ive been doing it since around November time and I’m so pleased it is finally coming together! Last Thursday my project was picked up as a broadcast piece for ITV Meridian which you can view here. 

http://www.fixers.org.uk/news/6615-11208/strokes-striking-young-on-itv.php

I am very pleased with it and hope that I did it justice for other young survivors :) Since this went out I have had  endless media requests from radio stations, news agencies and freelance journalists. Its fun but difficult to decide who the right person is to tell my story too. I was featured in the Argus, Brightons local newspaper without even really knowing about it. Luckily the article was very nicely written by a lovely lady called Siobhan. 

I also spoke to the BBC Sussex Breakfast show about my experience which you can listen to here, Just skip to 1hr22

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0184c71

I love doing things like this because if just ONE person can learn the symptoms of a stroke each time I tell my story then they could potentially save somebodies life. 

Act FAST. 

OK I definitely didn’t but I couldn’t resist a little Busted reference and I did go on a tour around Terminal 2A which is currently being constructed… so that’s basically the same right? 

Just before Christmas my incredible friend and designer of the ‘Superstar’ jewellery range Jordanne Cliffe told me that her Dad had put Different Strokes forward to be one of the charities at Hetco, the company he works for’s Christmas Raffle. DS were accepted along with a local charity for disabled children. Then, In January, Jordanne sent me a message to say that the company had raised around £2000 for the charity and that they wanted me and Jordanne to collect the cheque to give to Different Strokes. On Feb 25th we were presented with the cheque, had a tour around the construction site and watched a few planes taking off. All in all it was an interesting way to spend a monday morning and I was very greatful on behalf of DS for the money they had raised and I know that the money will mean so much to everyone involved with the charity. 

The best (or worst ;) ) thing about the day was that when we were taking our safety gear off we went into a room where a boy, Simon, was sat working. When Jordannes dad came in Simon asked what was going on and he explained that we were there for the charity and that I’d had a stroke when I was 21. Simon’s reply was ‘I had a stroke when I was 17’ I was genuinely shocked, although I know a few people, I’ve never coincidently met someone my age(ish) who it had happened too. We chatted for a bit and he mentioned that he had met Sarah, ‘the girl from the undateables’ at a Connect meeting the week before which just seemed ridiculous, maybe I do know everyone who has had a stroke after all? Paha…

Anyway we swapped numbers and as it was my two year ‘celebration’ coming up Simon suggested the we got together with Sarah and Jordanne in London at the weekend, we went for dinner and drinks at Tottenham Court Rd and then to Covent Garden for a comedy show which was strange but fun, It was a very lovely way to look at the positives of what I’ve been through and think about all the great things that have come from it, especially all the new people I have met and continue to meet. 

“NEW FRIENDS!”

I can’t believe how fast 2013 is going, It’s february 26th already and tomorrow it will be two years since my stroke. At times it feels like it has flown by and at others it feels like it was forever ago. So much has happened between then and now. I’ve gone from not being able to sit up or smile, to going to the gym 3 times a week and having my smile back, Not that I didnt have plenty to smile about when it happened, strangely I did. I just physically couldn’t. 

I went from not knowing if or when I would be able to travel or finish uni to less than two years later - graduating with a first and ‘backpacking’ (dragging a suitcase) around Thailand and FINALLY I will be starting a new job as a marketing assistant on March 4th. With a training evening tomorrow, what better way to look to the future instead of the past on my stroke anniversary? 

There was a time last year that I worried if staying in Brighton was the right choice for me, I hardly knew anyone and was starting to feel lonely, re-finding my confidence has meant that over the last 6 months I have started to meet lots of new people, am constantly busy and can’t imagine leaving this city for quite some time.

Having a stroke is life changing and in many ways devastating  but that isn’t to say that there isn’t a life after stroke, you might have to do things a little differently and your journey might take a different route than you had expected but you can and will get there. It’s hard work, it’s tiring and it will have its massive highs and huge lows… Just take each day at a time, embrace any new doors it may open and don’t listen to any negativity. Had I listened to my negative drs/physios/occupational therapists then I would have never walked again, been how I was at 3 months for the rest of my life, slept through the whole of glastonbury festival and never have graduated without getting an electric wheelchair. I dread to think what they would have said about my trip to Thailand! Keep on keeping on and find a team of proffessionals who will push you not hold you back…

Disclaimer: Dearest family who may not want to know about my love life, please don’t read this blog (Granddad that means you!) I wanted to write this as I have been approached about a documentary about disability and sex and mixed with the recent series of The Undateables I wanted to post about how having a stroke has affected my dating/sex life as a 23 year old girl.

I may or may not have mentioned that I am single. Me and my friends are so single in fact that we joke about being forever alone, although i’m sure that not one of us will be (yes Rosie and Nicola, even you).

Before my stroke I had been in two ‘serious’ relationships, one from the age of 16-18 and another in my first year at university. Outside of this I never had any issues meeting boys, I was confident and constantly meeting new people, such is the life of a student. I had however been seeing my ‘first love’ on and off from when we broke up at 18 until mere weeks before I had my stroke at the age of 21. It was complicated but he was a huge part of my life. He was the last person I had slept with about 4 months before my stroke and it seems incredibly weird for me that we no longer speak, although i’m sure its for the best.

Following my stroke, whilst I felt like the same person, It was obvious to me and I’m sure to everyone around me that my confidence had been hugely knocked. I was horrendously self concious about the droop in my face with every smile being over dramatised in an attempt to force the left side of my face to mirror the right, on top of that I was trying to get used to being in a wheelchair with eyes glancing at me then looking away awkwardly or worse, I was using a walking frame, possibly the least sexy thing for a girl in her early 20s to experience. Friends and ex-flings started asking if I could have sex, something I was sure I could but had no real desire too, I didn’t feel sexy in my new body and I had my recovery to concentrate on but after a long 22 months of not experiencing it, I began feeling comfortable in my self again. 

I’m sure my three weeks in Thailand are what triggered the return of my confidence, I guess it came kind of hand in hand with feeling relaxed, distancing myself from many stroke related things in my life and feeling comfortable drinking again…sad that alcohol was what helped me feel comfortable in myself but it gave me such an invincible feeling that on one of our first nights in Bangkok whilst Sarah was chatting up a boy, I approached a group of german boys in a bar, asked if they spoke English and if they would mind if I sat with them and that was it I made some new friends for the evening. This mind-set stuck with me for the rest of the holiday, happily chatting to boys, getting a few snogs and exchanging phone numbers. The stroke was no longer at the forefront of my mind and my ‘disabilities’ didn’t seem to bother anyone- if they even noticed them at all. 

When I came back from Thailand I realised it was harder to meet people here than there and I made the decision to try online dating, I wrote about what had happened to me on my profile but I still got plenty of attention, it was weird and I wasn’t sure if it was how I wanted to meet someone but I liked the ego boost and after a few weeks I went on my first date. I was so nervous, an emotion that kicks my muscle spasticity into overdrive, making my arm and leg tense meaning its much harder to walk. The date was awkward but fun - just as I’d expected but a couple of hours into it I got a really bad headache which i’m still not sure if the guy really believed, we kept seeing each other and things moved quite quickly - at least until he told me he didnt want a relationship, that he couldn’t see us together and that he thought we would irritate each other. Although we stay in touch now I cut him out completely for a while, He was the first person I’d had a kind of relationship with since my stroke and if i’m honest I felt betrayed for putting my trust in him and was upset for a few days. 

I soon snapped out of feeling sad and I went on a night out with some friends and met a friend of friends who I instantly clicked with and had a really fun night with. Although he knew i’d had a stroke it wasn’t until the next morning that he realised I was wearing a splint when I walked which I honestly thought was great as I genuinely thought it stuck out like a sore thumb. It was nice to know that it wasn’t on his radar. We have been meeting up since and I think have formed a good friendship but he’s another one who doesn’t want a relationship, although he said he liked me and I like him its bad timing I guess as we’re both at complicated stages of our lifes. I started to think that this lack of commitment was saying something about me but I now think i’m just at a strange age where people don’t necessarily want commitment and I’ve even started to realise it’s probably not the right thing for me at the moment either. My physio keeps telling me to have fun in my early twenties before I settle down as once I’ve met someone I won’t have the chance to do it again and I think she’s right. 

There have been a couple of others I have met on nights out or online and every boy I have met since my stroke has helped me figure myself out again in one way or another, deciding what I do or don’t want and how I want to feel when in a relationship. For example I realised that online dating, whilst right for some people, wasn’t right for me and deleted my account after a couple of months and decided to do things I love and concentrate on making myself happy, not being made happy by somebody else. As Jessie J tweeted ”I know I can’t win. And I can’t make everyone happy but I will always be honest even if some don’t agree. Live your life in real life. Not online. Its not a fact its just my opinion. That’s all x.”

I was told my relationshipssex life would change after my stroke, I’m not sure thats the truth. Whilst of course there are physical limits, they are just as complicated and emotional as ever before. I think maybe its changed more with my age than to do with anything else. In regards to if I can have sex, if anything its pretty much the same - if not better! (sorry pre-stroke boys!)  I’m not sure if that’s to do with the boys I’ve met or my new relationship with my body but either way I’m starting to feel more comfortable with myself than I ever had.

I think disability and sex/dating should be a much more open subject so please feel free to ask me anything…no filth please.

About three weeks ago I posted about an assessment day I was invited to at Channel 4 for a researcher role in a Disability Trainee Scheme. I’m absolutely over the moon to let you know that I have been invited for a second interview with Objective Productions who the role is with (think Derren Brown, Peep Show, Fresh Meat…) and I am down to the final two!  It’s happening tomorrow and I have been preparing like crazy so please cross your fingers for me!

I thought that I would tell you a little bit about how I’m feeling about finding work and how the stroke affects getting a job, it’s complicated so try to bear with me.

As a 22 year old graduate, now is the time to be pursuing my career, trying to get my foot in the door so that in the future I can work my way up. As a 22 year old stroke survivor I know there is still a lot of recovery ahead of me and that is hard work in itself, not to mention time consuming!. The truth is I am so ready to start the next chapter of my life. I know I cant close the door on my recovery just yet but as long as I can manage to keep improving whilst working I think a job would do me a whole lot of good. Every little bit of normality I can drag back will be helping my recovery in one way or another.

However, for now at least I know I will need a little bit of leniency with full time working hours, It may mean being able to work from home, having a morning off every so often or even working shorter hours.You might ask why I don’t just get a part time job? they are rare within the television industry and the ones that are available are often only very short term or even unpaid. Although I spoke about this in my initial interview I am honestly quite petrified about asking for the lenience, I don’t want a company to hold it against me for two reasons, firstly I know I can handle it with a little bit of understanding and secondly, I am constantly improving and whilst I might need this now, in a few months time I may be completely different to how I am now. With the limited movement in my hand a researcher role is kind of ideal for me as the runner route is pretty unfeasible and if I was to look outside the career I want to get into, being a waitress, bartender and sales assistant are pretty much right-offs too, as much as I’ve learnt to adapt, I don’t think shops would appreciate my folding clothes with the help of my mouth. Personally I don’t see why I or anyone else who is in reach of their ideal job should settle for a call centre, the only typical part time role I think I could physically deal effectively.

Maybe i’m worrying to much and I hope that with it being a disability trainee scheme this will all be taken into account and anyway lets face it, I don’t do things by halves!

In June 2011 my occupational therapist told me I wouldn’t be able to finish uni without getting an electric wheelchair, I stopped using my ‘manual’ wheelchair in August just two months after she said it and have not used one since. I graduated in June 2012 16 months after the stroke with a first class honours in Media Studies. Never Say Never. 

Wahoooo! I finally graduated! I am so so proud of myself for finishing my degree just one academic year later than I was supposed too and I still can’t believe that I graduated with a first class honours, I’m so so happy it is unreal. Graduation day was lovely, a little stressful at points but the sun shone and the vibe was fantastic. As nice as it was it was also very difficult for me, throughout the ceremony I was sat in between two girls I had never spoken too and although they were friendly it was difficult for me knowing that had I graduated last year I would have known pretty much everyone around me, It was hard not to be surrounded by my best friends in the ceremony and I HATED  walking across the stage, with all thoses eyes on me I felt like my walking was awful and was desperate to get across the stage and back to my seat. My brother filmed me receiving my award and my walking was actually fine but I guess I’m just not used to being that nervous and walking! It was really lovely after the ceremony, having photos with new friends but it also made me a little sad that I hadn’t gotten to know some of them as well as I would like and now most of them are moving home I might not get the chance…welcome to the big wide world

I am currently experiencing a world of emotions, I genuinely had no idea I could do this and seeing it back on video is just incredible. My hand that I couldn’t do ANYTHING with after my stroke is now picking up and what I have been struggling with most - LETTING GO of objects. I still can’t extend my fingers although you can see the movement in the index and thumb when I pick up the yellow candle. Full extension must come next right?! I am too happy right now.

Around two weeks ago Kate from The Stroke Association approached me about a project they were developing for Groupon as part of Action on Stroke month. She wanted to know if I would write a few blog posts for them to show that there is life after stroke. I of course said yes, these are the results.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3